Friday, May 6, 2011

Reminiscing is part of me

           Many experiences have occurred in my existence – some very painful, which I have learned from, others on the opposite end of the spectrum, very joyful. I’ve been open to several perspectives of life being raised by two hippie parents. Exposure to drugs and alcohol, many of which I try myself at one point or another. Along with this advanced contact with substances, my mother and father taught me at home until I was ten when I decided it was time to go to public school.
Random memories float through my mind. I’ll never forget a conversation with my father; I must've been about nine years old at the time. He had interesting thoughts about smoking pot… “I don’t want you to even think about smoking it until you are at least sixteen…By then you will experience a lot, and you will know if it’s your thing or not, but until then, forget about it.” After this, I was a little overwhelmed.
Looking back, what he said is true, I definitely dealt with a lot by the time I was a teenager, including the hardship of losing him due to illnesses from the AIDS virus. When he died, I was in one of the most difficult stages of growth, prepubescent mockery, a.k.a. Junior High School. Remembering some of these years, I‘d rather forget most of it. Some of it can fit into to a category of so-so, but most of it is downright dreadful and awful. People can be pretty cruel if you don’t fit into their standards. I especially did not, no matter how hard I tried (and trust me did I try). I can say now, though, I’m glad I always managed to follow my own path, with the guidance of others along the way. Although at times on an unled path because of how I want others to see me, a perception. I continually strive to find out who the true me is.
Only a select few have seen in full force my beauties, anguish, hurt, anger, anxieties, desire, and all that I encompass; there are some things that I can still be afraid to fully illuminate. I am the “tree hugging, nature loving freak.” I love people, hugs, kisses, earth, snow, sunshine, photography, art, late nights, good conversation, caffeine, and nicotine. I am down to earth, a good listener, open-minded, beautiful, spiritual, musical, theatrical, and talented. I have many faults; don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be human without them.


  1. I think you are absolutely fabulous! This made me tear up! I know we have yet to meet in person I but I am proud to call you my friend! I also find myself getting a little anxious when I don't hear from you! lol Love you!

  2. Tara,
    Sorry I haven't been able to comment on the actual blogs until now.. I didn't have a "profile" to use to comment. I love your blogs and peeking into your life a little more, on a more personal level. You have been through so much and had to grow up quickly with all you have been through. You are a beautiful soul and I love you!