Saturday, May 28, 2011

Writing from way back when...

Found this and felt like sharing...
Writing, thinking always, breathing nonstop, and smiling in-between.  My body is filled with passion for another.  An incredible feeling rushes through me – my heart beats quickly when I think of him and this passion, it feels like dropping down the first hill of a roller coaster.  The bottom of your stomach falls out, the adrenaline rushes and fills your veins.  I smile now as I think of his sun filled eyes.  He is filled with the love of all- love of art, words, being, life, me.  Wow, to write about someone else like you’ve known them for an eternity of life when in reality, only a fraction of time.  Quickness- some of the best things just happen.  The flow feels nice, natural.

Friday, May 27, 2011

school year is winding down

So the kidlets are in the last month of school. Due to all the dumb snow that we had piled upon us this winter, they shall be going 5 days past their expected end. I will remember when I'm complaining about how hot it it, how miserably cold it was especially into the later months when it should've been warmer and that my poor kiddies had to go to school later than they thought. I had my last reading volunteer day in the little lady's class. Myself and 2 other moms have been going in once a month to read a book & do a craft associated with the book for the school year. It's been a nice way to peek into what her world is like during the school day. One more field trip and a couple weeks of school and then she is done. The little man is almost finished with his first year of middle school. He made the transition well and I'm so proud of my honor student (like those cheesy bumper stickers say). My kids rock, that's all. This proud mama moment is brought to you. Ha ha.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

milestones come so quickly

So it's completely official, the little lady is a big kid. We took the training wheels off her bike & within 5 minutes she mastered it and was riding on her own. Then at dinner she poured her own drink. When did she become such a big kid?! It's not right I tell you. After dinner she begged the mister to go back out again so she could continue to ride. She only had one mishap of a wipe out which is pretty good. She's started practicing turning and she wants to ride bikes all over the place and she cannot wait for us to have our first big family bike ride this summer! Oh my...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Birthday escapades

So my actual birthday was nice & relaxing. We had dinner & the kids & my mom got me a cake. Very tame and calm which is just fine.  Then the next day, Saturday, me and the little lady went to the annual school Spring Fair where she tried to win a cake in the cake walk, got her face painted, was made a balloon creation by a clown since she so patiently waited, rode a pony, and she planted a flower.  The sun finally was out after days of gloomy rainyness which was fantastic.  The little lady and I spent the rest of the day planting flowers and playing outside in the yard.  Eventually the mister and the little man returned home from a day of tree work.  The the kiddos went off with my mom while we got ready to head out.  Our plan at first was to just meet our friends (the couple who we met at the Interpol show) out and about but then they suggested we meet them at his apartment for drinks and karaoke along with some of their other friends.  This sounded like a grand idea to me.  I have never been one to say no to drunk karaoke. So we gassed up the Jeep and headed into the Hill of Providence.  His apartment is a gorgeous spacious old mill building- very cool.  After 3 glasses of wine and a few songs in, somehow it was thought that we should all do a shot of cherry brandy. Let me tell you that this was a horrible idea.  I'm pretty sure each one of us gagged. Blech!  After that we walked to the bar that was about a block away. Buzzed and blurry, I somehow managed to suck down my next drink which was pretty much all booze.  We drank until the lights went up, which was just that one drink. We decided to move on and needed to head back to his apartment to drive to the next place. Me and the mister hopped in the car with the 2 of them while the rest of the group headed off in the other car.  We parked the car & got out to discover the best find of the night- Poco Loco, Best Damn Taco Truck in Town! I seriously think it was the best soft chicken taco I have ever had in my life!  We enjoyed our tacos and some laughs and then entered the bar.  I had some sort of concoction drink- I cannot recall what it was but at the time it was buzz in a cup, I was feeling it by then.  Some of the group headed out and the four of us remained there.  At this point of the evening I was pretty much a drunken mess but still standing so I count that as a plus.  There was a tension between the two of them- tears and talk about something and I vaguely remember giving advice which is never good when you're as drunk as I was. Funny now, but probably not at the time. She just wanted to go home.  So we rushed to the car and the four us headed back- it was a tense ride. We said our goodbyes and headed home. I prayed to the porcelain gods and then passed out (I then found out the next day that sadly our friends broke up, I hope that they can still remain a friendship).

Friday, May 20, 2011

a whole bunch of nothing day is fabulous

It's my birthday. I jokingly capped off a few years ago & have successfully kept up with it. I still get carded so why not. Today has been a day of relaxation and lounging, the best way to spend my day of birth. The kiddos both gave me birthday kisses, my mom gave me some cash which is lovely and Shane brought home some pretty flowers for me to plant in our front yard. Not bad all and all. We don't have anything specific planned for today but tomorrow we shall celebrate along with some friends in Providence. I looked it up, there is infact a birthday cake martini, I do believe I will need to get one or however many I can have.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Some of these quotes made me think and I hope it will do the same for you.
“Life is the art of drawing without using an eraser.”
“The world is but a canvas to the imagination.”-Thoreau
“Friendship is the only cement that can hold the world together.”
“Years wrinkle the skin, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Peale
“However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it names.  It is not as bad as you are.  It looks poorest when you are richest.  The faultfinder will find faults even in paradise.  Love your life as poor as it is.” – Thoreau
“To dream of the person you’d like to be is to waste the person you are.”
“Writing is like therapy.
Reaching down in there and expressing
Form of healing myself-
Intimate experience-
Pen to paper.”
“Incredible passion,
incredible desire,
incredible need, then love.”
“Give me love, give me hope, give me strength, give me someone to live for.”
“ I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love.”
Love is when you look into someone's eyes, and suddenly, you go all the way inside, to their soul... and you both know, instantly.”
“This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.”
“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?”- George Eliot

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Nocturnal brainwaves

~ here's the post that was misplaced when blogger was down...
My brain is on fire and overload lately.  I can’t stop thinking about ideas to write about, it’s fabulous.  For the first time in eons, I’ve gotten the urge to scribble out my passion of words.  Although, the steadiness is sometimes redundant, I still try to challenge my mind by keeping some type of sanity.

This rain's gotta stop sometime soon

So many people have come in and out through my lifetime. And it seems like time flies faster than ever before, as I continually grow older.  I’m not ready to give up my child-like nature, that's a constant. I’m inspired once more to scribe thoughts to share some type of insight.  I don’t wish for any of it to appear too grim but sometimes life is just that way. Waiting, I do that a lot lately.  I am scatterbrained and I don’t seem to know what sense to make of it all. Words filter in and out as usual, there’s a lot I want to release, but when I desire it to be here, it remains stuck.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Just another thought

“There’s an old saying that the optimist sees a glass half full, the pessimist sees it half empty.  Everyday, things happen, good and bad.  We all enjoy the good things.  But the bad, the negative experiences, the hurt, the sorrow- how we react show what we’re really made of.”
At the young age of thirteen not only do I lose my father but also my best friend tragically dies in an accidental fire.  In order to deal with the loss and massive hardship of immense grief that is thrust upon me in such a short time, I begin my deep love with music and writing. It is a way to get a grasp on life and all that it encompasses. I delve deeply into both. Trying to get thoughts and ideas from the lyrics that soak their way into my head, I pour out my thoughts onto paper.  Sometime in the mid-90's I discover that there is some greatness of music emerging on the airwaves. Something creatively is exploding on the radio and in my writing. Another friend passes away and it hits me hard. My writing becomes dark and complicated while there are hints of brightness and humor intertwined. As I grow - and more experiences and life and death come into my life, my writing becomes scarce and sporadic. Now it comes in waves and urges and inspiration. The music in my life is pretty much the same as it was back in the day.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

wow what a week this certainly is

Not only do I have tickets for Soundgarden at will call at Mohegan Sun but now I am the proud possessor of tickets to see Blind Melon at the Hiro Ballroom in July for the same week. Oh my. I pretty much fell out of my chair when I realised this could be a reality. I am so giddy with anticipation of seeing the two bands that I dearly love and who's music got me through high school. Swoon.

Friday, May 13, 2011

yesterday's post...

...disappeared. Although the blogger says it will return, if it doesn't I guess I'll just have to retype it or something. I've been jittery and antsy all morning and into the early part of this afternoon. I had thoughts come and go...I wrote this before on the computer while I was waiting for my dashboard to re-appear.
Mothers are Cool- Especially Mine
When I think about it, my mom has always been a very supportive and open person. I have always been able to choose the way my life is.  She always has made an effort to be at any type of performance that I have been apart of.   She sometimes has trouble listening to me but then again I do the same with her so I guess its fair game. She’s loud when I'm really not- well that depends now that I think of it.  I’m more of an introverted person and she’s obviously extroverted.  When people talk about how they don’t like their mothers because of certain things, I realize that I don’t really feel that way- my mom is an awesome person. She gets on my nerves at times but I’m sure I do the same. She always speaks up for herself and tells her opinion even if it’s not ‘mainstream’. That is an incredible quality. She and I have the same music tastes, which I think is very cool.  I’ve always thought about how neat it’s been that even when I’m young I go to some incredible concerts.  We know how to push each other’s buttons very well, but that’s all right.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Meeting new friends while Interpol comes to Lupos on May 7th

To keep up with our rock star status, me and the mister got ready to head out to another show.  Me and the mister had a lazy lounging day while the kiddlets had already left for the weekend.  There was a torrential thunderstorm right before it was time for us to head out.  Yet as we hopped southbound on the highway, the sun made an appearance in full force and luckily it stopped pouring.  We have had a knack for finding parking garages right near where we need to be for shows lately.  We parked and waited outside the club for the doors to open.  The line wasn't too crowded while sun shone down on us- and I stood there in my raincoat which I meant to leave in the car.  When the doors finally opened and we headed in, most of the front row was taken but the side of the stage in the front was still open.  I made sure that I wasn't gonna be obstructed from seeing anything so not to miss out on any part of the show, as it did not we staked our spot there.  As people filtered in and filled up the club, the mister and I rotated between on another to get drinks and make bathroom trips so not to lose our place.  While I was standing around waiting for him to get back, I admired and commented on the girl behind us cool tattooed sleeves.  The guy with her mentioned they had seen the show the night before there and that the sound isn't too too loud when I mentioned that once again I had flaked about ear plugs.  I said how I was still attempting to get my hearing back from the show that we had seen a few nights before.  They asked who we had seen, I said a band you've probably never heard of, Awol Nation...they said they saw them the month before at the Ruins- at the same show we were at! Infact they were standing behind us at that show as well!! Small world I tell you.  Funny how that happens.  The opening band was one I had never heard of but were really good. A 3 piece band with a lady singer/guitar player.  The mister said her sound kind of reminded him of the Sunday's lead singer and I see what he means.  Then there was a break between them and we watched the roadies get the stage ready for Interpol.  They rocked the house!  Such a great set of amazing tunes. We were right in front of the guitar player and the lead singer wasn't too far from us.  Once again another band who's raw talent completely blows me away.  The mister was mystifyed by the incredible bass player.  I always love a band plays my favorite song, it made the night complete. Interpol left and came back out for an encore of a few songs and then were done. When we were leaving, the 2 people we met were like we should hang out some time- I was like well we're kidless for the evening, let's go now.  So went to another place down the street for drinks, conversations and a grand time hanging out. We know that we have good music in common and we all 4 it it off!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A concerting we shall go...

Yesterday I counted down the morning and afternoon to get pre-sale tickets for Soundgarden in July at Mohegan Sun & got them!!! Then in September we shall also attend Rib Fest in Indy to see Blind Melon!!! Oh my, such good music - that keeps me going when things seem a little bleak.  I am so super stoked! Oh my goodness!!! YAY!

Monday, May 9, 2011

AwolNation graces Boston with a show on the eve of Cinco de Mayo

We got out of the house much later than I wanted.  We had to wait for my mom to get back from her appointment before we could leave so she could take the kids while we dashed in the car to head out.  Not that travelling into Boston on a Wednesday night should be that bad, it's just with construction, the 95/93 split and the congestion of life I wanted to have been out of the house much earlier than we did and of course we hit all of the above on the way in.  The doors open at 8 so I wanted to be there about 7 to have plenty of time-  of course that didn't go as planned. Someone I know, his brother works at the radio station which happened to be hosting the show, got us (along with 2 guests) on the list! So we had coupons for a cheap parking garage but with us running so late we couldn't seem to find it so we just had to settle with whatever one was closest after we had already driven once completely around the block and started heading in the opposite direction. So we circled back around and parked and rushed to the club. I called my bestie who was meeting us there that we were on our way because she said we better hurry that it was full & filling up quicker than expected, as they had overbooked.  A couple weeks before, the show was supposed to be at another place, still in Boston, but for some reason something happened and it got bumped from there and relocated.  Ironically the same place where I had my high school reunion. So we rushed down the block and got in the doors.  We then still had a bit of a wait before we were allowed to go upstairs but at least we were inside and right near the stairs where we were headed. We anxiously awaited being able to head up. The three of us went up and I decided we should be on the left side of the stage- the mister was thinking we should be in the middle, but I wanted the left as that's where I saw CT's guitar sitting perched in it's stand.  Once again we didn't get any ear plugs- what is with me and not thinking about this. My poor ears. This time though we didn't use anything, I thought oh it can't be any louder than it was at the Ruins (I learned to find out later that it was).  We stood around and my friend put her earplugs in, she was a smart girl for bringing them, BUT she put them in way before the band took the stage so we couldn't hear a word she was saying.  Although she thought she was loud, in her head it probably sounded louder than it is but it was like she was whispering and with everyone else around us I could only hear snippets of her conversations- the mister said it was the same way with him and he was standing even closer. We stood around for a very long time as there was no opening band.  We stood around for at least another hour. The poor roadie who sound checks and makes sure every one's instruments are tuned had to do it twice! The DJ from the radio station came out eventually and we noticed the band members over near the sound booth. I snapped a couple good pictures of them getting ready over on the side.  Finally Awol Nation hit the stage! They opened with some cool instrumental stuff and then got right into their set. This was Awol's first trip to Boston.  The girl standing next to me made me have total camera envy and I didn't feel so bad having my flash be on - considering her camera and flash were twice the size of mine.  My camera was having serious focusing issues, more so than usual which was frustrating but I will still able to take a lot.  Awol Nation is a band with intense energy and emotion.  They got the crowd worked up- and with alcohol involved there were some drunk dumb big guys behind us that started a mosh pit. Is it just me, but who moshes to Awol Nation?! So they were really getting into it and bumping/knocking the people in front of them and us small girls in the front really wanted to have no part of it. Myself and the other bunch of us in the front kept getting closer and closer to the stage where I was pretty much almost on top of CT & his amp. I was inches away from CT- my thoughts were "don't mess up his playing, wow I'm REALLY close." We smirked at one another & we both did this eyebrow raise thing, it was a funny exchange of facial expressions. The girl next to me had her earplugs knocked out- she was knocked into so hard that we all watched it bounce out. She was pretty pissed and saw it bounce on the stage. It landed next to CT's foot, we both had seen it & we both shrugged our shoulders. The lead singer made a comment that those guys needed to be protectors of the pit- especially for those people who want nothing to do with the pit- pointing to our row.  Think about it, there's some people who just want to have just as good a time but without the moshing. It seemed like this set was a lot shorter than the last but I think it's just because we were waiting around for so long.  When I think about how many songs they played it was a good amount and they jammed out for a while. Maybe I just wanted them to play for as long as they can.  They finished up their set. We hung around hoping to see the band & hang out with them again.  I brought a picture I had printed out from home to have the guys sign.  We caught the keyboard player as we noticed him going back to get his laptop off the stage.  I asked where they were hiding & if they were planning on coming back inside. He said everyone was just washing up and would be near the merch table. We then found the drummer as he was loading up his equipment.  Then eventually the bass player came back & I asked if he would sign the picture too- he was like I don't have a pen, I said not to fear I try to always come prepared and had my sharpie in hand.  A while went by & still no sign of the lead singer or CT.  I asked the bass player where they might be, especially CT. He was like "he's been doing this a LONG time, he went to shower & probably went to bed- we are all really tired & honestly I think if he's tired, he'd just go to bed." Well I guess. I told him and I was not pleased and we both laughed. We stood around talking for a while. I had had a bit to drink and my drunken ramblings about everything still kept him entertained to listen. I told him it felt surreal watching them play at the same place as my high school reunion & both agreed that it was a strange place for a band to play.  Some more time went by, and eventually me, the mister & my bestie J went to the bar downstairs because the selection of booze was better. As I was hanging near the bar, J said don't look now but the lead singer had graced his presence back to the club.  I tapped him and thanked him for a great show & said how we had met at the Providence show & would he mind signing something that we could bring back for our son who couldn't grace us tonight since he's underage.  He wrote a sweet little message to the boy-o saying "we missed you tonight buddy, see you at the next show." I thought it was very kind of him to do so. We took some more pictures and all hung out for a bit before heading out.

AwolNation April Fool's Day of 2011

After getting all dolled up for the evening, the three of us got in the Jeep and headed out towards the highway heading into Providence to bring the little mister to his first concert. He had been excitingly telling everyone about this fact.We weren't sure how bad traffic was going to be heading into the city on a Friday night so we left the house much earlier than we needed to. We found a cheap parking lot a block away from the venue which was rad.  A little bit further, past the club was a Starbucks so we spent our time waiting in there. After consuming our beverages and deciding that we had wasted enough time hanging around in there, we headed over to the Ruins at the Colosseum.  There was a small group of people congregating around the front doors but no real line had happened yet so we attempted to start one at the door.  The bouncers came out after us waiting around for a long time that kept saying they were going to open the doors soon, this happened several times. It snowed the night before/morning of, nothing really that had any sort of accumulation but enough that it was still chilly. It also was rainy off and on but luckily nothing came about while we had to wait. I was grateful to have on my winter coat- even though spring was on the calendar sometimes that doesn't mean much living in New England. I saw so many people with just t-shirts or thin jackets, I myself had no regret wearing a warm coat.  So eventually we got carded for those of us who were drinking & the guy asked Evan if he had his ID, it was funny.  Then we finally got ushered in and staked our place among the front left corner of the stage, right up front.  The opening band wasn't too bad, a local group of guys just out of high school- we joked and said that that was maybe why it was an all ages show.  They played some original songs & some covers, not too shabby.  Then there was a break between the bands and Awol Nation graced their presence upon the stage.  I wasn't sure if Christopher Thorn (who happens to be the guitar player for Blind Melon for those of you who didn't know this fact already) was going to still be touring with them or not so I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up that he'd be with them. So, when he came onto the stage and strapped on his guitar, I was happily surprised.  We of course had placed ourselves on the complete opposite side of the stage in front of the keyboardist and bassist.  They started their set and I ecstatically danced, sang, and took pictures. The little mister seemed to be having a very good time- we had been listening to their album all week in preparation for going to see them.  I quickly discovered that it is entirely too hard to try to capture both photos & video on the same device while trying to soak everything in as well so I've got all of about 30 seconds of video from the whole night.  The amps/instruments were super loud, almost deafening.  We completely forgot to go get earplugs before the show so we all stuffed make shift ones out of tissues, it would've worked better if the sound weren't so crazy loud.  After a while, I decided that I would try to slither my way thru the crowd and attempt to get to the other side of the stage to get closer to the guitar player- sometimes it pays to be little and have a camera- people were helping me get thru and I ended up right in front.  The couple next to me was seriously making out during the show, so much so that the lead singer made a comment about it asking it were their first date. It was funny.  I stayed over there for a while taking pictures and then made my way back over to where I started off to see if the little mister wanted to come with me to the other side of the stage, he was reluctant but afterwards he wished that he had.  Because meanwhile this girl with flailing arms had invaded our spot and my poor son was pretty much smooshed up against his father and pretty much on top of him for the rest of the show in his attempt to avoid her.  There was not enough comfort room for me over there so I headed back over to the other side of the club & squeezed my way back in front for the remainder of the show.  I was inches away from the stage- so loud & awe-inspiring watching pure talent so close & in front of me.  As the guys finished up their set, CT threw out his pick & then leaned over to shake hands with the bunch of us that were standing right there.  Then the keyboardist shook hands too. He came back out to get his laptop & I started to take his picture but I had to change settings & then I got the neatest picture- 2 thumbs up for a great show!!  Then the crowd dispersed and the mister & little mister headed to the bathroom and I stood around waiting for them to come back.  As they did, hubby told me that he spotted the drummer in the hallway and that possibly the rest of the band was around there as well.  Sure enough, the lead singer was crouched on the floor & the keyboardist and bassist were in front of him.  We mentioned that it was boy-o's 1st show and somehow that sparked up a conversation about every one's 1st shows.  Someone confessed that there's was New Kids on the Block- we all decided that our son's was way better than that and we all chuckled.  I noticed that CT was kinda way in the back while we were all chatting, I turned to the lead singer & asked if we could get a picture- and if he could grab his guitarist for one as well because it'd be cool to have him in too.  We mention again since he wasn't there when we started that it was the boy's first show, pointing in his direction.  CT then tells him he's cool for listening to good music & he turned to us and said we were cool parents to bring him.  Ct turns to the little mister and asks if he's up past his bedtime when he replies yeah, CT lets out a "yea" and they high five. Just a neat moment.  I was a little off to the side after we chatted for a while so I turned to CT and asked if he didn't mind if I took a picture with just him, since he happens to play for one of my all time favorite bands and I wanted a picture of it. So I turned to hubby and he was like "oh that's my cue", it was cute.  CT really liked my jacket, it's micro suede so it's soft and very touchable and he thought it must be warm. All he had was a sport jacket- he must've been in the mindset it'd be warm like where he's from.  We all continued to chat and laugh and whatnot for a while longer. I turned and said I'd be back in a minute, both the bass player & CT said they were holding me to it and that was about all they were willing to spare. I wanted to try to get a CD from the merch table but by the time I went back out there, it was already all packed up.  I came back all pouty saying how all I wanted was their music- mind you I already owned it thru i-Tunes but there's something different about actually owning a physical copy of the music.  Then we all got to talking about how hard it is to find good record stores anymore.  CT was saying how he likes to listen to vinyl still- he turned to boy-o and asked him if he even knew what a record was- made us all laugh.  He hung out for a while longer- chatting about a bunch of nothing - I know there was a lot of talk about music and how crazy early clubs need to have shows end when it's all ages shows.  I then thought about it, I don't think it's just all ages, I think it's just the way shows around these states are which is too bad in some ways yet at the same is ok because somehow I always manage to meet someone from the band after.  The mister happened to have his Meat Puppets shirt on underneath & I told CT about our encounter with them, he turned to us "I toured with them back in the day"- duh like I didn't know that already. Hehehe.  What nice, sweet, genuine great people this band is, imparticular Christopher as we talked the most with him.  We then looked at the time and realized that we should head out and get the boy-o to bed.  There was a step leading back into the club & I completely tripped over as I was attempting to thank him for the great chat. We both smirked at my clumsiness- sadly there was no alcohol involved in it either.  We thanked them all for the great show & headed out to the car.  As we were turning around the corner out of the parking lot, we saw CT walking out in front of us, it was the hat that gave him away.  We figured he was going to bed, that's what we were going to do.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

So much music, so little time

I am making an effort to make an entry every day, we'll see how long I actually do this though...
I feel truly blessed to be able to go and see so many great amazing bands live. So far this year me and the mister have gone to 4 shows!!
This week has been back to back with it. Wednesday night we went to see Awol Nation (we've seen them twice now over the past month) and tonight we shall journey into Providence to see Interpol.
If you've never heard either of these bands, take the time to take a listen, you won't regret it.
The Awol Nation show was great!! It was so cool being on the guest list...I will dedicate an entire post just of my "review" of that show and the one we went to before it and whatnot when I get around to it. I will do it soon though while everything is still fresh in my mind and before the little nuances of memories begin to fade.
I cannot wait to see Interpol! I've been into their music since they first hit the scene. It says there are "special guests" playing with them, I'm interested to see who that will be.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Reminiscing is part of me

           Many experiences have occurred in my existence – some very painful, which I have learned from, others on the opposite end of the spectrum, very joyful. I’ve been open to several perspectives of life being raised by two hippie parents. Exposure to drugs and alcohol, many of which I try myself at one point or another. Along with this advanced contact with substances, my mother and father taught me at home until I was ten when I decided it was time to go to public school.
Random memories float through my mind. I’ll never forget a conversation with my father; I must've been about nine years old at the time. He had interesting thoughts about smoking pot… “I don’t want you to even think about smoking it until you are at least sixteen…By then you will experience a lot, and you will know if it’s your thing or not, but until then, forget about it.” After this, I was a little overwhelmed.
Looking back, what he said is true, I definitely dealt with a lot by the time I was a teenager, including the hardship of losing him due to illnesses from the AIDS virus. When he died, I was in one of the most difficult stages of growth, prepubescent mockery, a.k.a. Junior High School. Remembering some of these years, I‘d rather forget most of it. Some of it can fit into to a category of so-so, but most of it is downright dreadful and awful. People can be pretty cruel if you don’t fit into their standards. I especially did not, no matter how hard I tried (and trust me did I try). I can say now, though, I’m glad I always managed to follow my own path, with the guidance of others along the way. Although at times on an unled path because of how I want others to see me, a perception. I continually strive to find out who the true me is.
Only a select few have seen in full force my beauties, anguish, hurt, anger, anxieties, desire, and all that I encompass; there are some things that I can still be afraid to fully illuminate. I am the “tree hugging, nature loving freak.” I love people, hugs, kisses, earth, snow, sunshine, photography, art, late nights, good conversation, caffeine, and nicotine. I am down to earth, a good listener, open-minded, beautiful, spiritual, musical, theatrical, and talented. I have many faults; don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be human without them.

Well I think it's time...

"...that is a great album. I wish I had never heard it so I could hear it again for the first time."
As the revival of tours of 2 of my favoritist bands comes to formation this summer, it got me thinking about my constant and ongoing love affair with music and everything wrapped up in it- especially live music. There's nothing better than really feeling everything the band has to encompass. personally I love the small venues where you can be upclose and personal & really get to be almost part of the band. Bigger places are alright too but it's the little ones that I cherish & have the best memories and stories from. Can anyone believe that all this started out 3 decades ago- what?!?! How is it possible to even be able to write that?! My parents took me to my first show when I was three. Honestly I have absolutely no recollection of it just the snippets of memories and what I've been told over the years. My Dad was a big fan of Devo & that was my first show; actually I don't know if big fan is true to say but I decided that it is since he's no longer here to back up and defend any of what I say...First show that I really remember going with him to was the Clash. He was a bouncer a long time ago at the now gone Rat Club but I don't remember any of the bands that came thru there as most of them were usually local- man how I wish I could though.  I know he loved taping and recording shows so he could relive it and go back over & over to feel the experience again & again. Now that I'm older I completely get it- at the time I was like "ugh there he goes again with his dumb little tape recorder." Sometimes he actually used a video camera but the one that he had at the time which was state of the art at the time was heavy & didn't have the best audio on it. I have no idea what happened to any of that but I do think it'd be cool if I ever came across it. I think most of it though unfortunately got ruined or taped over. It amazes me that his incredible taste in music and listening and really feeling the music got passed along thru me- and I think in essence I'm attempting to do the same thing with my kids. I know at some point they will probably listen to crappy music and whatever is available as I now that it's bound to happen but I hope that they'll still want to turn on a Blind Melon tune or hum along with Soundgarden or whatever amazing talented musical gem that they might stumble across. I thought I'd throw those 2 artists in as those are the shows that I'm incredibly stoked to see this summer!!!
Well until time. See ya when I see ya readers....