Today I'm just going to let everything be.
I'm ok with how today is.
Everything happens for a reason.
Someday in the near future I'm going to see exactly what that reason was.
I think these years in a nutshell happened so I could see the awesome person that I am and that I can be super loving and positive and kind even when those around me aren't.
The universe nudged me in the right direction. And it knew I needed it.
I stepped away from writing for a little bit but I want to sit and scrawl to just distract my mind for the moment.
My daughter turned 18. She had a very lovely birthday celebrationing. Birthday breakfast at our local waffle restaurant. Driving with friends. Ice cream cake. Getting her own wonderful present along with the ones we got her. And then she had a sleepover.
I've been processing everything that has happened. This month is one of those that can just be done and over now.
I went with my best friend to a smash room, it was the best most cathartic and therapeutic things I've ever done. It was completely worth every single penny.
I've been feeling all the feelings and every part of what it's a strange but necessary grieving is.
My dad was one really great man. He gave me passion for music and live shows. He gave everyone kindness, gratitude and to attempt to see the goodness of any situation. Man, he was one cool guy. He's been gone for 31 years. In the short time that I got to have him in my life, I'm grateful for that. I miss him today and everyday.
Going into all of this with an open mind and positivity. But I'll also have my moments along the way. The good thing about the universe giving me a nudge in the right direction is that I didn't pick up my life and move to find out that things would fall apart when I got there.
Right now I'm a mix of everything. Anger and hurt and sadness and happiness and confusion. All wrapped up into one little ball. "The do I need a hug, a blow torch, a shovel, a nap, a bottle of the strong stuff, or just a pedicure?" My dear friend summed it well. I'm going to feel it and let it take it's course.
Emotions can come in a roller coaster wave when you least expect it. One minute angst and animosity. Then sadness and longing for answers. Then an overwhelming wash of peace and a lightness that comes with trying to let all of it go.
7 years is a long time to be wrapped up in something that all of sudden isn't what it appears. I'll let the dust settle, shake my self off and come out from all of this with strength. I'm tougher and resilient, more than I give myself credit for. I've gotten thru hard times. This is different in an aspect, but I will survive.
I deserve so much more than I was given throughout most of this relationship. Little did I know this is how it would end. But I will live and learn and pick myself back up. For now, it's a process.
So much has happened lately. Some things wonderful & some not so much.
Just in these past 15 days of this month. Life took a curveball unexpectedly but I'm thinking it was the universes way of making me see the big picture clearly. My plans of Virginia & for the future are no longer happening. This mister was not meant for me. I will process this while feeling all the feelings that goes thru it. I will dust myself off & come out shining brightly.
The month began with a wonderful celebration of my daughter graduating high school!! She committed to the college that she was accepted to and will go into the school as an early education major!! We are all so very proud. It was incredible watching her & so many of her friends who have grown up in our home cross the stage to recieve their diplomas! The following weekend, we threw a lovely party for her at a local restaurant. Now we just have her birthday to celebrate- of her turning 18!!!
My son had been working at a local pizza shop but just ended that. He's going to go out on a cross country roadtrip with one of his closest friends & then come home to see what he's going to do next. He's 22 & still has so many plans of what he wants to achieve & accomplish. My daughter has a summer of being a camp counselor & then getting ready for college. It's an exciting time for my babies who are now growing into adulthood.
As for me, I am focusing on the good & what will come next for myself as well. I've got some plans in the works. Also there's concerts. I just spent a weekend seeing the Avett Brothers & have another in the fall. That show will be epic as it's the Outlaw Fest with some amazing musicians, it's Willie Nelson's festival!! I've got the Afghan Wigs (which now has the guitarist from Blind Melon playing with, while melon is on whatever hiatus they are), Brandi Carlile, and AWOLNATION. All of that I'm really excited for! I am going to try to start doing my concert write-ups again. I don't honestly know what made me stop doing them. I think I just got lazy with it. Well that stops now!
I'm going to make this writing a more regular occurrence now. I've got a lot to say from my head & I would love for you to read it.
