Friday, June 24, 2011

counting down & reconnecting with family

1 weeeekkkk! That's right 7 days until we're on our NY adventure. Woohooo!!!
And I woke up this morning from a message from an aunt on my dad's side of the family. Then I contacted an unlce & some cousins. It is amazing & also a bit overwhelming at the same time. It's a small world and it's great to connect with my family that I haven't had any contact with in a LONG time, over 2 decades. I have a wave of emotions. I'm just gonna ride the wave and enjoy it all.

Monday, June 20, 2011

anxiously awaiting both my mail & the NY show

So my bmbfl was at the Wisconsin show this weekend and she got CT to sign pics for me!!!!
I guess he only had 2 minutes when she searched him down.
I had printed out some pictures for her from the awol show to have him sign & sent them in the mail to her- to quote him from her "Oh of course I remember her, in fact I remember exactly when this was taken" he smiled widely & she said he was giggling.
I pretty much fell off my chair.
I'm sure he didn't mind that she was a drunken hot mess.
She asked to wear his hat but he wouldn't let her. Supposedly his hair was a mess. I think he was just holding out waiting for me to wear it. lmao!!

Friday, June 17, 2011


2 weeks, 2 weeks, 2 weeks. Oh my. Ok now I can continue on with the rest of my day.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

happy day

Today has been quite a wonderous day.
Not quite sure what it is that has made it that way- nothing spectacular, maybe it's just the sun shining and the breeze sneaking it's way in thru my window that makes me appreciate the day.
Just having a grand good day and that upbeat swing in my step makes the smile on my face beam.


I found this through a friend and wanted to share it

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

all about counting down

"You are gonna be blown away, seriously blown away. The vibe in the room will be enough to paralyze all of your senses." This statement makes me giddy.
I am all about energy that comes from the performer and the crowd. I cannot even wait to go to this concert. I am anxiously awaiting it. I am pumped!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

8th grade was quite the year

          My father and I always had a close relationship prior to his death.  Despite the fact that he and my mother weren’t married anymore by the time I was nine, this didn’t do anything to our bond, nor sever the ties between us. In fact our connection became stronger as he made time for me, no matter what.   He taught me a lot, as he did with everyone who he encountered- he continuously made it a point to have you see a different way of thinking with life.  He was ahead of his time with many things- thoughts, music, technology, life- and that is why he was such a unique person.  He was full of compassion for others.  He always strived for honesty.  He spoke his mind and left no questions.  He often demanded respect and he gave it also.  He was extremely musically and artistically talented.  I will always be amazed by his extraordinary abilities.
I was thirteen years old when my father died.  I remember the last time visiting, standing in the sterile smelling hospital room, looking at his long drawn face with those hollow eyes staring at me in a daze.  Words mixed and jumbled – mind affected by dementia.  His health seemed to plummet drastically from the time he found out he has the disease from which he will eventually die.  His symptoms ranged from Tuberculosis to Hepatitis; he was HIV positive which then became full blown AIDS.  My father’s death is a misfortune in that he was only forty years old and it was a sad way for one to die.  His death was also a tragedy because of society’s closed-mind.  He was embarrassed to share with others what he was living with, and, unfortunately, when I was younger I often wouldn’t tell people what he died from.  Despite the awareness and education of this epidemic, there’s still arrogance and negative judgment towards AIDS.
When my father passed away, I was sad to think that he wasn't able to attend play/choral productions, graduations, my wedding, the birth of my children, or any other important event in my life. Even though he left this world physically, I always feel like he’s with me along the way, watching my every move.  I believe my father is proud of his daughter, seeing her grow into her adult years.
He is a very important person in my life.  I forever hold onto memories of joy and laughter.  He and I share some incredible moments together – Franklin Park Zoo, movies (Capitol Theater), music, a frustrating guitar lesson (the first and last), Porter Square shoe fiasco, comic books, chocolate milk, storytelling, Harvard Square, and hanging out.  One of my favorite things to share with him was my adventures from overnight summer camp.  He always sat listening intently, especially about my excursion on top of Mount Monadanock.   On top of Monadanock is where we spread his ashes – he was a mountain man and will always be.  All miss him, me especially, yet his memory continues on within everyone whose life he touched.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Ups, downs, and smiling a mile wide

This year has been a series of ups and downs. The first few months were pretty trying- work being stagnant and very few hours to go around and 2 deaths of close people in my life it made me a very emotional person, even more than usual. Which if you know me, you know that that is a lot.  I was in a definite funk. I had lack of motivation and was amp to cry at anything that was thrown at me. Usually I can handle things better, but i just could not. It's not that I didn't want to, it was just very hard and trying at time.  Throw in a long winter with lack of sun and a stretch of cold, rainy dark days & nights made me have a serious case of the permanent gloomies.  But eventually the sun's return and my grief taking it's toll and getting through it, I became back to myself and beat the miserable moments and have started being steadily joyful.  Ups and downs are really what makes us all- when the "ups" are really "up" things are fantastic and great, but the lows and the down moments are sometimes unbearable to want to try to even overcome. Getting through it- really pushing through is what makes me realize that there is a lot to be truly grateful for.  Right now there are a lot of wonderful things that make me have a smile that doesn't want to go away.

Monday, June 6, 2011

The only regrets I have had in my life are the things that I've missed out on and couldn't experience.  So I've decided that this would no longer happen anymore and that I'd try to get the chance to do everything that I want to. There's a hand full of things that I sit and wonder how did I miss out on that?  If I can go back and change anything from my past, I wouldn't touch a thing.  Sure there are things I wish I had done or said differently but those experiences are what make me who I am now.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

the countdown has begun

In exactly 1 month I'll be getting on the road with the mister heading into NY to see Blind Melon!!!!!! I'm just a wee bit excited if you couldn't tell. Oh who am I kidding I am superpumped!!! Woooooohoooo. And then a couple days later I get to see Soundgarden. Wow this is gonna be epic!