Sweet relief

It's so great to finally have the heatwave broken & be able to give the ac a bit of a break.

Today is my daughter's last day at camp as a counselor.  And possibly her last day at this camp that she's been going to since she was 9. She rose thru the ranks & we'll see if she ends up going back next year or if this is it. We shall see. It was also my last day of helping put together her lunches, which I know some people think it's ridiculous that I was still doing this but it really has been the only "mom" thing that I was still holding onto & doing for her. So a lot of today is bittersweet.

The sun is shining brightly with a nice breeze in the air as it's day after a full moon. I'm feeling pretty recharged myself from it.

Tomorrow the band has a gig & it should be a good one at their usual venue in Providence. They have a good friend who is filling in on bass for them & will be his first show ever playing at, so that'll be exciting to be apart of for everyone! 

Feeling the feels

I think today I'm kind of in it.

I'm feeling a bit off. I'll listen to that feeling by both being kind to myself & napping when I hear my body saying it's tired. According to my FitBit app, I actually got a really good night of sleep yet I'm thinking that I'm emotionally tired. So I'll listen & lay down for a snooze when necessary.

I think my body is responding to knowing what the date is & how life can change so quickly in the blink of an eye. Once upon a time I was posting silly social media nonsense that caught the attention of those around me. Little did I know that life could change in an instance & it's continuing to do so.

So today I'm going to lean into whatever feelings I've got & ride the wave of them. 

Today's random thoughts

I really am getting into a groove of birth movement of my body & my brain.

It's definitely a nice rhythm to be having lately as it seems to keep me going.

I just completed a parent orientation about my daughter starting college. I thought it was going to be something that was a little more in depth but it was a nice little overview. Trying to get everything in place for her before she heads off is pretty great. I have quite a few friends who are sending their kids off for the first time. I seem to not be worried or emotional about her heading off, maybe because we have spent time apart or maybe that this is the 2nd time around. I feel calm about it and I'm ready for her in a very excited way. I'm sure there's going to be emotions from me when she actually leaves but for now, I'm doing just fine. 

I'm a very lucky band mom this week getting to have 2 practices in the basement along with a show over the weekend. Not too shabby getting to have so much access to such great live music, I'll take it. 

No thank you to being a Dateline episode

I watch a lot of true crime. I was into it before it was a thing that became popular.

I've seen a lot of different episodes to know that the first person they look at as suspect is the spouse or the girlfriend. 

This is most likely what leads me to not try to contact any of the ex's family even though I truly did want to reach out. Yet I figured it would be best not to do so. Also I'm all set with the possibility that something awful could occur from it. Instead I'll just sit back over here, knowing the karma will do it's job and that I can just live my best life and heal from all of this from afar.

"It started like any other ordinary day." Said in typical Keith Morrison voice, because it would only be him saying this & then we all know as I am a middle aged white woman, what happens next. 

What I do hope happens is that the box of all the stuff that I had given him, appears out of no where after everything has settled. That would be great but I have this feeling that he just got rid of it all. It is what it is. 

Rested and ready

Today is another day. And a much better one. 

I think my mind purge from last night was truly helpful. Along with feeling all of the feels and letting them come the way they need to.

I slept so peaceful and soundly last night. Like a true weight was lifted. I actually remembered my dreams, so that, to me, is a very successful night of sleep. 

I'm going to try to be productive as much as I can be but at the same time I'm going to give myself grace if it doesn't happen. For now just making a great cappuccino with a delicious breakfast is what is bringing me the most joy and we'll see what comes after. 

Nighttime is my struggle

I'm so tired yet can't sleep at the same time.

I am ready for my getaway to Indiana to happen now, luckily it's only a month away but still so far & when it does come, it always goes too quickly when we're in it.

Memories keep creeping in when I least think that they will. Especially when I lay down to go to bed. That's when I'm the most restful and restless all at once.

Pictures randomly occur when I'm looking for something else and all of a sudden the waterworks just decide to do their thing. I'm listening to what my body needs with emotions but this healing thing is so linear and all over the place.

The most painful thing about the breakup was that he had me believe all these years that the girls and the grandbabies were mine as well, when in reality they never were. And that hurts the most. Also what I'm never going to understand what went thru his mind to do such a thing. That I'll never get closure from. I've forgiven a lot from this relationship already but it's going to take a long time to from that part of the falsities. 

I'm going to meditate and listen to a sleep story to hopefully quiet my mind and get the much needed rest for the evening. 

What a slacker

I took yet another hiatus.

It felt like I didn't have much to say again so I just let this go for a bit. But now I'm here. 

I had a wonderful getaway camping trip with a dear friend. It was nice but came & went quicker than I wish it could've been. Then again I think we might have started to annoy one another if it were. I'm ready for the excursion to Indiana now. As much as I don't want to rush time, it's time.

We're officially counting down to the move-in on campus for my daughter. Yesterday marked exactly one month to go. I'm excited for her, also she's not going too far away so I'm sure I'll see her or at least get the occasional message here & there. 

My son went on an incredible cross country adventure with his friend traveling 14 states until the car decided it was done & they had to Amtrak it home. It took 2 days to get from Oklahoma to here!! Luckily he was back in time because the band had a gig!! He literally got home the night before!! It was their first show since October. This band mama of course was in attendance & it was great.